Healing

Sneakers has crossed the Rainbow Bridge and it’s time to heal. I haven’t conjured up the words to make anyone here feel any better. Is it Time? Refocus? Distraction? Gratitude for a life well lived? What mends this broken heart? What fills this empty space?

Any visitor might quickly ascertain that Sneakers was the bright light in our house. Just a mini-ambassador of love and forgiveness. A being that gave us a reason to smile and to come together for a common goal-keeping him and his ‘brother from another mother’- Bear, happy and healthy. The rest of our lives seemed lost in details and minutia-grocery shopping, meals, laundry, yard work. Always pulling ourselves up from the challenges and gazpacho of life. 

Sneakers never asked for much and was excited by all that was given. Not motivated by food or treats or toys-just excited by time together, a walk around the pond, a chance to sit against your lap and be near you.

I know you might be thinking- ‘all right already, enough about this dog, enough about this sadness and loss’. But there is much to be learned by loss-it pulls at us and brings us to new places. It highlights the opportunities for joy and steers us always from the perpetual ruts-the heartache impetus.

First, grief reminds us to move toward the light-the people, places and things that bring you joy, give you courage, ease your soul. Be attracted to the light, the joyful, the simple, the beautiful. That may look differently for each of us-this becomes our individual and unique path. A walk in the woods, a morning at the beach, a fine cup of tea.

 Be the light. It is said in an old hymn something on the order of ‘you have to be the light, to see the light’.  I don’t mean insincere or dishonest-but if there is a place in you that shines-it might be wonderful to share it with others. There is nothing more mendacious than being the bearer of a construct of the light-the person with fabricated compliments- giving to get something (as Joni Mitchell put it). What our lives need most is genuine, sincere and honest light. Finding and living in the skin of our most authentic selves is the highest calling of this life.

Make time for what is important-turn off the TV, unplug the cell-phone, take a break from the computer and be a part of this most beautiful earth. Take that walk around the pond-see the light shining through the trees, watch the geese fly until they are completely out of sight. What is our hurry?

Juggling-reduce the number of balls that are in the air. Can you toss one with confidence? Two or three? It takes so much time and conviction to keep five, six, seven balls in the air-and it is so much more likely that you’ll drop them, all of them. Find your root, your grounding, the place where peace fills your soul-and spend time there.

Do more of what you love. Have you stopped dancing in the living room? Listening to your favorite music? Reading a book by the beach? What simple things make your life most beautiful?

We find ourselves looking for signs-hoping for miracles-devoting ourselves to faith. The auspicious cardinal that visits our kitchen windowsill, the prophetic dream that stirs us in the night, the foretelling owl screech that shatters the evening quiet, strings of petitionary prayers that help us sleep. All beautiful, but we also need to pay close attention to the very moment at hand and how we choose to live it.

I just walked Bear the first time without our best pal Sneakers. The loss was palpable, heart wrenching, nauseating. Sneakers’ red collar left hanging, his leash remaining in the garage-I’m trying to hang on to his spirit, his heart, his love-while letting go of his furry softness-his loving eyes. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other and always walking toward the ‘light’.