Sag Harbor-Remembering to Smile Again

For the past year and a half our smiles were often hidden behind our masks. We had to learn how to smile with our eyes-and nod a little I guess, to let people know that we saw them, acknowledged them, that we were friend not foe.

When I was young it seemed that we said hello to everyone on Main Street and waved to the cars driving by. We knew just about everyone and even if we didn’t, smiling and waving just seemed like the right thing to do. There were those well-meaning neighbors that reminded us what side of the street to ride our bikes on-those that patched us up if we skidded in the sand in front of their houses and others that let our parents know if we were hanging out with the ‘wrong’ crowd at the roller skating rink on Friday nights.

And now on Main Street it is a surprise to bump into someone that we know. And smiles and hellos have been on a steady decline. Warm greetings are often responded to by silence and a prickly feeling of peculiarity. “We are all strangers here aren’t we? Why would anyone say hello?” It has become way more comfortable saying ‘good morning’ to the friendly pooches rather than their owners. I am wondering if we are becoming a culture of strangers.

For all of my life here there have been unwritten guidelines-suggestions-long-standing traditions of engagement. When you pass someone, unless they’re wielding a sword or another weapon of some kind, you smile and say hello/good morning/how are you?

When crossing the street if someone pauses to let you pass safely you smile, wave and mouth the word ‘thank you’. And the oncoming driver smiles and waves in return-a “sure, no problem, happy to help”, kind of smile.

If someone is trying to cross the street, and even if they have not found their way to a crosswalk, and if you are not rushing to the hospital or going to put out a fire, it is very kind and polite to stop and let them cross.

These guidelines-suggestions-traditions can extend to letting the person behind you in a supermarket line with only one or two items-step in front of you. Recently a thoughtful soul ran after me when I carelessly left my blueberries the checkout counter-his kindness is appreciated and remembered. It feels good to do good, to be friendly to connect with each other in some small way. We are all just visitors to this one precious earth.

It is the small town feel that find many people coming here-the feeling of sticking together-looking out for one another-leaving things a little nicer than you found them. If we become a village of strangers, we are at risk that this all may be lost-and what will take its place? What has taken its place?

All year we look forward to summer, to enjoying the beaches, boating, dining outdoors-it has been a reward for living through the cold, gray winters-but now it has become increasingly difficult to get a parking place, a spot on the beach or a restaurant reservation. I have never seen the likes of the traffic this season and the difficulty just getting into town keeps many of us captive in our own homes. I’m not sure anyone imagined this great influx of visitors.

Our friends in the service industry are often confronted by an overpowering sense of impoliteness and privilege. I’m not sure how that evolves but surely it is not welcome here. We do have to accept that Sag Harbor is growing and changing. We can welcome the newcomer who comes in peace and we can hold onto and even be ambassadors of- the kindness, friendliness and caring that Sag Harbor has always been known for. So, when it’s safe and you feel comfortable in doing so-let’s take off our masks and smile at one another again.