Be the One Who Smiles First

I spent some time in the city while my daughter was studying for her Masters. She had an apartment on the Upper Westside -a beautiful neighborhood, close to the park, the Natural History Museum and a host of wonderful restaurants and shops. It’s amazing how quickly she started a list of her favorites.

I’ve spent my share of time in the city but this seemed different-a bit more rooted -a deeper sense of home-your own towels and pillowcases, a teapot and favorite mug. The city had its own heartbeat not unlike the one on all of the ‘I Love New York’ t-shirts and souvenirs. A step outside of the Brownstone door and you were instantly thrust into this energy, this land of many, this tenuous balance of tree and concrete.

One thing that was hard not to notice was the smile missing from most faces-replaced by the look away, look down, stare through. My friend warned that smiling at people was not a safe practice in the city- it exposed you as a person who didn’t belong- it opened you to a vulnerability – it made you suspect.

It took some time to practice that blank stare-that ‘I don’t know you and I don’t want to know you’ look of disdain- try to let go of that ‘we share 99.9% of the same DNA and I hope you have a great day’ smile. That human link. So, I saved my smile for all of the canine that passed by-I think they always smile back-and I kind of mouth the words ‘good morning, buddy’ or ‘hello pal’.

If people don’t want to connect with me, I think they’re always grateful that we admire their dogs and dogs always make me smile.

I have wondered and even written about why, when I’m walking down Main Street Sag Harbor, do visitors rarely smile or say Good Morning? Now I know why! If they’ve come from the city or a city somewhere-maybe many have been conditioned not to smile by no fault of their own. I guess it may just be a survival tactic. A way that the world works for them. Necessary anonymity.

I thought maybe we could change the city one smile at a time so I gave it a try. It didn’t garner much support. The new toothpaste commercial inspires us to “Smile First” and I think that is surly a good idea. Be welcoming, make a momentary connection. Though trends often seem to emanate from the city-and spread out to the country-perhaps smiles and ‘good morning’ can originate in the country and commute or ripple out to the city. How else can we cohabitate this planet, work together, and experience our shared humanity-if we don’t have the ability to smile at one another, acknowledge our shared humanity, and lift each other up?

So, I suggest - let’s all be that person- the person who ‘smiles first’!