Nicknames

“Nicknames”

I was trying to access the patient portal and receive my medical information. One of the security questions was- “what was your childhood nickname?” I thought and thought and realized I didn’t actually have one. One name for each of the six of us was enough for my parents to remember. Nicknames were only given if there was a soft spot within us with which to break us down. 

Though part of a large loving family, some of my brothers and sisters, during bouts of sibling torture, would call me ‘Ears’ because from the moment of my birth I had ears that stuck out from my head like teacups. They became the central feature of my childhood discontentment.

 Eventually my hair grew long enough to cover them but swimming in public and windy days remained uncomfortable.

 My kind and wonderful mother, trying to help, would put headbands on me at night in hopes that my ears could be ‘trained’ to stay back-she also tried double stick tape-but nothing ever helped. By age 60 I finally grew into my ears and grew out of my self-consciousness and worry. Perhaps these ears that I had to live with each day had been an advantage-funneling sound and music most efficiently into my brain. 

 It was a time when we all grew up with- ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. It didn’t pay to be sensitive or emotional-all of that was a sign of weakness. Guidance Counselors weren’t on hand to take care of adjustment issues or feelings of inadequacy-they were there to bluntly give you the news as to whether or not you were college material. 

I think we have all lived with something that has made us uncomfortable with ourselves in the world. Perhaps each bit of imperfection highlights our humanity and builds our connection to all others- recognizing our weaknesses, and cultivating our strengths and our compassion. I imagine we have all learned to celebrate our adversities and join the wonderous pool of humankind.

I did honestly try to put ‘Ears’ into the patient portal-thank heavens I got the message- “This user account is locked; you must reset your password to unlock your account.”